Wellness & Self Help – Page 3

January 23, 2019

Stowe tips: What is a special guardianship order?

Hannah Ross, Solicitor from the Stowe office in Leeds joins us on the blog today to look at special guardianship orders? What are they? Why would you need one? And, how do you get one?

Special guardianship orders were introduced in 2005 and are governed by the Children Act 1989. They are often described as a mix of a child arrangement order and an order for adoption.

Why should I choose a special guardianship order?

A special guardianship order application is suitable in circumstances whereby the child has been living with you for a period of time or they have been placed into your care by way of care proceedings.

The order remains in place until the child has reached the age of 18 and although you share parental responsibility with the parents, you are able to make almost all decisions about the child without the parent’s approval.

If the child was already subject to local authority involvement prior to the application for a special guardianship order being made then you may be entitled to additional support from them, this can include a special guardian allowance.

A child arrangements order is very similar, however parental responsibility is shared with the parents and therefore decisions regarding the child will require their agreement. In addition to this, there would be no additional support provided to you by the local authority.

How do I start the process?

Before taking steps towards making an application to Court for a special guardianship order the Local Authority must be given three months’ notice of the intention to apply.

This gives the Local Authority the time to undertake a thorough and detailed assessment of the applicants which goes into detail about the housing arrangements, financial circumstances and the ability to care for the child. If the special guardianship assessment is negative, then the prospects of successfully obtaining a special guardianship order are significantly reduced.

If successful, a special guardianship order application is made to the local Family Court, this can be done within existing proceedings or as its own standalone application. There is often a requirement for the court to grant permission for the application to be made

Who can apply for a special guardianship order?

The law sets out clearly who is entitled to apply for a special guardianship order and they are as follows:

Any guardian of the child
Any individual who is named in a child arrangement order as a person who the child is to live with
A local authority foster parent with whom the child has lived for a period of at least one year immediately preceding the application
A relative with whom the child has lived for a period of at least one year immediately preceding the application

What will the court consider?

The court, as always will take into consideration what is in the best interests of the child using a welfare checklist which is prevalent in the decision-making process and considers the following:

The ascertainable wishes and feelings of the child concerned
The child’s physical, emotional and educational needs
The likely effect on the child if circumstances changed as a result of the court’s decision
The child’s age, sex, background and any other characteristics which will be relevant to the court’s decision
Any harm the child has suffered or maybe at risk of suffering
The capability of the child’s parents (or any other person the courts find relevant) at meeting the child’s needs
The powers available to the court in the given proceedings

A special guardianship order is a useful tool in ensuring that a child is given a permanent and secure home without losing the crucial link to their birth parents.

The law around special guardianship orders, however, can be complex and difficult to navigate and legal advice is strongly advised.

The post Stowe tips: What is a special guardianship order? appeared first on Stowe Family Law.

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Author: Hannah Ross

January 16, 2019

Stowe guests: 3 things you need to think about if you are considering divorce

In this instalment of Stowe guests, we are joined by Rhiannon Ford who runs a divorce consultancy in Walton on Thames in Surrey.

A former family lawyer, Rhiannon combines her legal experience and work as a personal development coach to provide much needed support to those thinking about, going through or coming out of a divorce or separation.

Today, she joins us to offer her advice on the three things you need to think about if you are considering a divorce.

If you have come to the sad conclusion that your marriage has come to an end, there are probably lots of questions whizzing around in your mind, e.g. “What happens when?”

Whilst there may be lots of unknowns at this stage about what the future will look like now you wish to divorce, I would recommend the starting point be for you to gather your thoughts on 3 important topics:

The marriage – are you married and if so do you want the marriage to end?
Finances – what arrangements do you want to make regarding the family finances when you separate?
The children – if you have children, what parenting plan do you want to put in place?

Here is a summary of what you will need to think about….

Marriage

If you are unmarried then clearly divorce is not necessary. However, even if you are married, you may not wish to rush in to getting divorced. It is important to bear in mind that divorce is not the only way a couple can decide to arrange their separation.

You could for example, choose to live apart and resolve financial and children matters whilst remaining legally married. There is also the option of “Judicial Separation”. If/when you choose to dissolve the marriage then a divorce application will be made through the court.

Finances

When you decide to separate and/or divorce, an agreement will need to be reached to resolve financial matters between you and your spouse (whether or not you divorce). There are various options available to help resolve financial matters and you can choose which approach is most appropriate for the two of you. For more details about the various options, see my blog How do I approach reaching a financial agreement in my divorce.

There are also different ways to formalise any financial agreement reached, depending on how the relationship is brought to an end- e.g. separation or divorce.

Children

There are two main issues to be addressed in relation to the children of the family:

Living arrangements – this refers to the living arrangements of the children and how their time will be shared between the two parents.

Financial support – an agreement needs to be reached between you and your spouse as to how you will both financially support the children once you are living apart.

For a list of the issues that the parents will need to decide on see my blog Separating Parents: Planning arrangements for the children.

Contact

This blog provided general information about the important issues a separating couple will need to consider.

To find out how I might be able to help you in your situation, see my blog: How a divorce consultant can help when you are considering divorce and get in touch here.

Stowe Family Law has an office based in Surrey in Esher, close to Walton-on-Thames. The team is headed up by Emma Newman and can be found on the High Street. You can contact them here.

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January 9, 2019

At your own pace: The journey through the six emotional stages of divorce

A lot of
what is written about and discussed when looking at the emotional stages of
divorce and separation is based on the five stages of grief identified by the
psychiatrist Elisabeth Kubler-Ross back in 1969 in her book On Death and Dying.

And quite
rightly so. The end of a marriage or relationship is a bereavement: a loss of
the life you once had and of the future, you believed you would have.

There is
panic, denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. The first thing to
remember is that people do not move neatly from one stage to the next.
Sometimes you may experience all six in one day. You may find yourself stuck in
a certain stage or go back. There is no beginning, middle or end.

My advice, do not try to manage this process (it won’t work for a start) and instead move through at your own pace. There is no right or wrong way – just your way. And please do seek professional help if you are struggling with anxiety or depression from your GP.

Here are the
six stages:

Panic

Sheer panic
and fear. Your body and mind are in a state of shock, unable to comprehend that
your life as you know it has been changed forever. You may struggle to sleep,
eat and think straight. You may even have panic attacks as your mind becomes
flooded and you feel out of control.

Denial

In some
ways, denial is a useful coping mechanism. You can pretend everything is OK
rather than face the overwhelming emotions. However, don’t abuse the temporary safe
haven this gives you. You need to move to the next stage to face your fears.
You need to feel emotions to start to heal from them. Otherwise, they can
manifest in stress, anxiety and illness.

Anger

Anger is a
completely normal emotion in a stressful situation and this is the time to
release some of those emotions you suppressed in the denial phase. My advice is let them out. Some people try to
bottle up their anger, but it will come out in other ways. Try to channel it
into something positive such as exercise, singing, yoga (anything you enjoy)
and do consider counselling for some professional advice.

However,
there are two simple rules: never in front of your children and not publicly on
social media (it will come back to haunt you).

Bargaining

Your last
attempt to try and get the relationship back on track and you will search for
anything that you think may take you both back to where you were before.

Moving away,
having a baby, changing who you are (totally impossible) you will do anything
to get your life back and have some reassurance that the relationship can be
mended.

Depression

As the
realisation that the relationship is over starts to settle extreme feelings of
sadness and loneliness can quickly consume you. They can easily take away your
motivation and joy for everyday life, you may find yourself sat in front of the
television all day with no energy to move or eat.

But
withdrawing from the world does not work and will leave you more isolated. Call
upon friends and family for love and support to help you cope. Counselling is
also really helpful. Talk, talk, talk, cry and then cry some more. You need to
feel and release your emotions.

Acceptance

You finally
feel hope, there is light at the end of the tunnel and you realise you need to
move on with your own life.

There will
still be feelings of sadness and regret, but it is something you can live with.
You are not paralyzed by grief or fear or sadness anymore. And whilst I cannot promise you a joyful skip
off into the sunset you are back, getting on with life and starting a new
beginning. You’ve got this.

Help & support

Finding the
right lawyer for you can make all the difference. Our divorce lawyers have
experience of advising clients throughout the divorce process. They understand
the emotional pressure that each stage brings and can support you by making the
legal side as simple as possible.

Going
through a divorce or separation can be extremely tough. If you find your
struggling with anxiety and / or depression, please do seek professional help
from your GP or visit: Relate
for practical advice and counselling options.

The post At your own pace: The journey through the six emotional stages of divorce appeared first on Stowe Family Law.

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January 8, 2019

The reality behind Divorce Day

The media-friendly term ‘Divorce Day’ does not sit well with me.

The first working Monday of January is frequently reported in the press as the day that divorce lawyers see a spike in enquiries as marriages meltdown across the country because of the pressures of Christmas.

Granted we do notice a spike here at Stowe Family Law in enquiries in January but then we also do in September after the school holidays, so it is not just tied to the pressure of Christmas.

I know too well that holidays can be stressful, highlighting tensions and unresolved issues. Most parents today work so weeks fly by, heads down, carry on. On holiday you look up and, in some cases, see the cracks.

But is this the moment that drives people to separate: an argument about the in-laws interfering, lack of presents or sheer exhaustion?

For me, it was so much more than that. I did not decide to leave my partner of 20 years because it was Christmas. I just knew that I had to survive Christmas, not just for my children but also for my wider family. Just like I knew I had to survive the summer holiday because the kids were so excited.

The decision to end a long-term relationship or a marriage cannot be tied down to a season or a holiday or the mother-in-law. It is so much bigger than that and runs so much deeper than that.

Separating is not just about the couple: you must think about the kids, the family, your friends, schools, the house, the garden, the expectations… And that takes a lot of time to think through.

So, this Divorce Day, let’s think for a moment about the couples behind the statistics. The ones that have painted on the smile for too long, the ones that haven’t, the ones who had the affair, the ones that didn’t, the ones where there was no drama, but they simply fell out of love.

These people are not just enquiry numbers. And I don’t believe that having a Divorce Day paints a true picture of the lives behind the statistics.

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January 3, 2019

Stowe guests: Handling difficult emotions during and after divorce

The first episode of Stowe guests in 2019 sees us catch-up back again with Claire Black from Claire Black Divorce Coaching.

Going through a divorce and managing life after separation especially over Christmas and New Year can be extremely difficult. This time of year, we often find ourselves reflecting on the previous year and what the new one will bring us. Claire is on the blog today to offer her seven tips for how to handle difficult emotions during and after divorce.

I understand that the emotions you experience during a break up can be overwhelming. I know that during my divorce, I found the roller coaster of emotions exhausting, and small things could easily tip me over the edge. I found my emotions confusing, as they seemed to shift every day, every hour, even minute by minute.

Sometimes I felt afraid, sometimes angry, resentful, lonely, overwhelmed, disappointed, regretful, hurt, shocked, worried, relieved, guilty. The feelings were intense and sometimes contradictory, so it’s no wonder I was confused.

Although there is no “quick fix”, here are 7 ways to help yourself dial down your negative emotions.

Avoid destructive patterns

Some people deal (or rather don’t deal) with the difficult emotions that they feel by stuffing them down, or through drugs or partying and drinking more than normal, or by working long hours, in the hope that the emotions will go away on their own. Others try to blame someone else for their feelings. Sadly, none of these approaches will work long term, and they can become destructive patterns, meaning that you never actually deal with the emotions that you are feeling.

Give yourself permission to feel

Let’s get away from thinking of those emotions as “negative”, implying that they are somehow bad. Your emotions are messengers from your body, letting you know when something is wrong, or hurting, or needs to be examined. Feeling those emotions is part of the process towards healing and recovery. If you don’t feel them, they stay stuck inside and can have a detrimental effect on your health, your stress levels and your ability to heal. So be kind to yourself, listen to your body. Remind yourself that it is OK and normal to cry.

Take each day as it comes and leave each day behind each night. If you’ve had a difficult day, put it behind you – tomorrow is a new day.

Acknowledge your feelings

Notice and name your feelings as they come and go. Simply identifying your feelings will start to diminish their hold over you. Writing down all your negative emotions, fears, worries, concerns and stresses in a journal, or on a big piece of paper may also help as it gets the feelings out of your head and onto paper.

“Journaling is like whispering to oneself and listening at the same time”, Mina Murray, Dracula

Use your physiology to help you

The mind and body are connected, so how you carry your body will affect how you feel. Try this exercise and see what happens.

First, stand or sit as you would when you feel sad or lonely, and notice how your posture makes you feel. Ask yourself how you would like to feel instead: Confident? Strong? Empowered? Happy? Then ask yourself how you would sit or stand differently if you were feeling that positive emotion. Now practice standing in that way. Notice that by changing your body posture, it is possible to feel differently.

Do this when you walk too – look up, take in the horizon rather than looking at the ground, and notice how it influences how you feel.

Shift your focus

Don’t just focus on noticing the difficult emotions – look for times when you feel positive emotions too. What makes you smile or laugh? Smiling and laughing makes your body produce endorphins, the body’s feel-good hormones, so actively seek to do things that you enjoy, and which make you smile. Watch a movie you love, listen to music that uplifts you, sing loudly, take your children out to run on the beach or in the woods, cuddle your pet – whatever works for you.

What you think about and focus on will influence your actions and results. Don’t focus on your ex and his/her new partner, and don’t follow them on social media as this will feed the negative feelings you may have.

Instead, shift your focus on to YOU – what do you enjoy? What do you like to do? Shift your focus from your ex and put your energy into you.

Ask empowering questions and “flip it”

Ask yourself questions that will help to shift your focus by flipping the situation on its head. Ask questions like:

If there was one good thing about this, what would it be?
What am I grateful for right now?
What can I do now that I couldn’t do before?

Your answers might be as simple as being able to eat fish fingers for tea (or cook with ginger in my case!), or it might be that you can start planning that holiday that you always dreamt of, but that your ex refused to contemplate. Or perhaps you have learnt that you have some amazing friends and family who have really got your back.

Tell your story differently

How do you tell your story? Do you see yourself as a victim of your divorce? Do you tell your sad story over and over again?

If this is you, then every time you tell the story, you reopen the wounds. Even eleven years on, if I try hard enough I can tell my story in a way that makes me feel sad. You have a choice about how you tell your story, so choose instead to talk about your story in a different way, so that it empowers you and makes you feel strong. What have you learnt? What are you proud of yourself for achieving? Have you done anything new? I remember the first time I mowed the lawn after my ex-husband left. I had been putting it off for weeks, but finally managed it and I felt really proud! To put this into context, this wasn’t a small patch of grass, but a 100 ft stretch of not-very-well-looked-after grass, on a slope – mowing it was no easy feat.

As I always say to clients, it isn’t what happens to you that matters – it’s what you do with what happens to you. These are some of the techniques I used myself when I was getting divorced, so I can vouch that they really do work.

Get in touch

Claire is one of the UK’s first accredited specialist Divorce Coaches, a former lawyer, and Advanced NLP Practitioner. She is based in the Bristol area.

You can get in touch with Claire at www.claireblackcoaching.com or call 07722 007528

The post Stowe guests: Handling difficult emotions during and after divorce appeared first on Stowe Family Law.

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December 30, 2018

2019 Explosion of Cannabis Mergers and Acquisitions Predicted

Most of the businesses growing, processing and selling cannabis across the United States are small independently-held entities. That may change in 2019 which looks like a big year for industry mergers, acquisitions and expansion. Large companies, like those in the food, tobacco and pharmaceutical industries have mostly stayed on the sidelines, held back by regulatory concerns, but are now expected to enter the market. The cannabis industry still has a mom and pop feel but that could change rapidly.

Cannabusinesses have been small, primarily because their products can’t be transported across state lines.

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December 30, 2018

Cannabis Industry’s Hope for California Public Bank Derailed

The cannabis industry’s hope for California to establish a bank for the sector was dashed Thursday with the release of a highly anticipated report that said such a move would place state funds and workers at risk with no guarantee of success.

The conclusions of the 151-page report delivered to a cannabis banking working group led by state Treasurer John Chiang derail attempts to establish a public bank for marijuana companies when state lawmakers reconvene in Sacramento in January.

Supporters hoped a favorable report would provide momentum for the Legislature to clear the way for such a bank to help bring the multibillion-dollar cannabis industry — still mostly a cash-only business almost one year after marijuana was legalized for recreational use in California — into the financial mainstream.

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December 30, 2018

Legal Marijuana Industry Had Banner Year in 2018

The last year was a 12-month champagne toast for the legal marijuana industry as the global market exploded and cannabis pushed its way further into the financial and cultural mainstream.

Liberal California became the largest legal U.S. marketplace, conservative Utah and Oklahoma embraced medical marijuana, and the U.S. East Coast got its first commercial cannabis shops. Canada ushered in broad legalization, and Mexico’s Supreme Court set the stage for that country to follow.

U.S. drug regulators approved the first marijuana-based pharmaceutical to treat kids with a form of epilepsy, and billions of investment dollars poured into cannabis companies. Even main street brands like Coca-Cola said they are considering joining the party.

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December 30, 2018

Push to Legalize Recreational Marijuana in New York Raises Questions About Past Arrests

Albany, N.Y./Rochester, N.Y. – Governor Andrew Cuomo says legalizing recreational marijuana will be a priority in the new year.

That is raising questions about what will happen to those who have past marijuana convictions.

Advocates say these convictions have kept people from getting housing, jobs or pursuing higher education.

However, to nullify past convictions, attorneys say separate legislation would have to be introduced.

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December 30, 2018

The first five steps towards getting a divorce

The beginning of January sparks a surge in divorce enquiries so we decided to ask our specialist divorce lawyers, what steps you need to take first if you have decided to get a divorce or separate after a long-term relationship.

The top 5 are below.

Take a step back

First, take a step. Is the marriage irreparable? Have you tried couple counselling? Christmas is a mix of happiness and tension so if emotions have run away over the festive season make sure you take stock and think through your decision. It will affect the rest of your life.

Find your marriage certificate

If you decide that divorce is the right thing for you then the first step is to find your marriage certificate. You will need this to start divorce proceedings. And it cannot be a photocopy. Don’t panic if you cannot find it. You can order a replacement online here.

Prioritise the children

Put the children first and be mindful of them in every decision you make. Even though the relationship has broken down you will still need to co-parent and work with your partner. This will be so much easier if where possible, you are amicable. Try to not lose sight of this if tensions flare.

Get your finances in order

To work out an equal split of finances and assets you need to have a clear picture of the marital pot. Make a list of assets, liabilities and income (earnings, property values, mortgage, loans, credit and store cards, savings and pensions) as best you and gather together all the relevant paperwork.

You will need all of this information to complete Form E, which requires you to set out a full financial disclosure of all assets and financial resources so it is worth pulling it together now.

Consult a divorce lawyer

Every case is different, so the best advice is to get professional legal advice as soon as you can. It is important that you make the call and make an appointment.

Planning for your meeting will help you feel prepared for that first meeting. You will feel anxious but having a clear idea about what information you need and questions to ask will help you feel more in control.

Think about your journey times, where to park etc so you are not rushing. We always recommend that you do not bring your children. Any paperwork that you can gather and take with you is helpful and will help the case to progress quickly. The work that you undertook in step 4 will ensure you are ahead of the process in your first meeting.

Divorce is never easy and there is no magic solution so make sure you get the support that you need. Counselling and divorce coaching are both great tools to help you manage the anxiety and stress it can cause. Be mindful of your needs and the children’s needs and where possible, prepare and plan. Compromise also goes a long way.

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