Mediation Day!

Sherri Donovan, Esq.

Divorce and Family Lawyer

Celebrate Mediation Day: Top 10 Reasons To Mediate Your Divorce

Posted: 10/18/2012 12:20 pm

October 18, 2012 is Mediation Day. Mediation is a process for resolving conflict and coming to an agreement where decision-making remains with the parties. A neutral mediator assists parties in arriving at a mutually acceptable agreement. In contrast to an adversarial proceeding, mediation emphasizes cooperative problem solving and addressing the needs of all involved. Mediation can be used for all types of conflict, however it is particularly useful in the context of divorce and family disputes. Here are some reasons why:

It’s less costly. You and your spouse will typically pay one professional who is dedicated to helping you both reach a resolution. You will pay for meetings rather than waiting time at court. You will not pay for the costly drafting of motion papers back and forth and the accompanying court appearances. Lengthy divorce battles and trials have led to the financial ruin of many families. Divorcing families already have enough financial strain. Pay for your child’s college education, not your lawyer’s child.

You control the discussion and the outcome. You choose the topics that you want to discuss and settle. You, not the court, have final say over the terms of your agreement. Important decisions about you and your children are not left in the hands of strangers.

You get more personal attention. The mediation process allows you to speak and be heard. You work directly with your mediator, who will propose and get a consensus on the resolution process, elicit, explore and generate options, help you negotiate, refine decision-making and arrive at a final agreement. Most judges are overworked and understaffed with too many cases. Judges often do not have the time or opportunity to get to know each family and by necessity, must speak to the lawyers more than the people actually going through the divorce.

There is faster resolution. Parties set their own timeframe for resolving issues, without having to wait months for the next court date or for a time when two lawyers and a judge can coordinate their calendars. It is possible to resolve your issues in a few sessions. One of the worst parts of divorce is the anxiety brought about by living with unresolved, lingering issues for a prolonged period and by having to remain attached to someone after you have decided to separate.

There is greater confidentiality. Communications, documents and work notes made or used in mediation are privileged and confidential. Meetings are private and at your mediator’s office (or even held via Skype or conference call). At court, you will argue your case in a public courtroom in front of a judge, officers and court employees as well as other litigants and attorneys. It is dreadful to have your children and problems discussed in a room full of strangers, or in front of people in your community.

There is greater flexibility. Mediators often agree to meet in the evening, or even on weekends. Mediators are more able to work around your family’s busy schedule, as opposed to a court, with its rigid operating hours and overflowing dockets. Mediation can even work when parties desire to mediate their disputes but cannot do so while in the same room. Mediation can be achieved online via Skype or another online service, or via conference call or speaker phone.

It protects children from conflict. Custody trials usually require your children to be interviewed and observed by several experts. Your children may even be required to appear at court. The animosity between parents can increase significantly while embroiled in an adversarial process, which can expose children to increased conflict, verbal attacks and tension, leading to stress, confusion and long-lasting damage. A mediator can help educate parties in a neutral manner and keep the focus on the children’s needs, while engaging parents in a more sensitive and less inflammatory process.

It’s a less adversarial process. A neutral mediator assists parties in arriving at a mutually acceptable agreement, but, in contrast to an adversarial proceeding, mediation emphasizes cooperative problem solving and addressing the needs of all involved. The mediator can help raise points that an attorney would not be free to raise for strategic reasons and he or she may help the parties view issues from a neutral standpoint with a focus on resolving the dispute, rather than validating one party’s position and seeking to “win”. A mediator can minimize side arguments and avoid the adversarial positioning between attorneys, while concentrating everyone’s efforts towards a mutually satisfactory conclusion. Resolve your issues by communicating rather than fighting, working as a team, rather than engaging in battle.

There are more opportunities for a creative, tailored family plan. Mediating parties do not have to work within the confines of the litigation system as far as process or result. Sticking points particular to you can be addressed more in-depth in your mediation session and in your final agreement, which can lead to more effective co-parenting post-divorce.

It allows for greater post-divorce stability. In contrast to the adversarial nature of the traditional litigation system, mediation seeks to improve parties’ understanding of each other and their ability to communicate. In the context of divorcing or separating parents who will need to co-parent for years to come, emerging from a divorce with the ability to communicate effectively and with respect is especially important. You may also return to your same mediator if conflicts arise in the future. Your mediator can help moderate, settle disputes and clarify or modify your agreement as time goes by. Your mediator already knows your agreement, is attuned to your families’ issues and dynamic and can be on standby, able to quickly step in when you need it.

Source: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/sherri-donovan-esq/celebrate-mediation-day-t_b_1968763.html?goback=%2Egde_4441767_member_177057979

Stress help for children

Helping your children manage distress in the aftermath of a shooting

As a parent, you may be struggling with how to talk with your children about a shooting rampage. It is important to remember that children look to their parents to make them feel safe. This is true no matter what age your children are, be they toddlers, adolescents, or even young adults.

Consider the following tips for helping your children manage their distress.

Talk with your child. Talking to your children about their worries and concerns is the first step to help them feel safe and begin to cope with the events occurring around them. What you talk about and how you say it does depend on their age, but all children need to be able to know you are there listening to them.

  • Find times when they are most likely to talk: such as when riding in the car, before dinner, or at bedtime.
  • Start the conversation; let them know you are interested in them and how they are coping with the information they are getting.
  • Listen to their thoughts and point of view; don’t interrupt–allow them to express their ideas and understanding before you respond.
  • Express your own opinions and ideas without putting down theirs; acknowledge that it is okay to disagree.
  • Remind them you are there for them to provide safety, comfort and support. Give them a hug.

Keep home a safe place. Children, regardless of age, often find home to be a safe haven when the world around them becomes overwhelming. During times of crisis, it is important to remember that your children may come home seeking the safe feeling they have being there. Help make it a place where your children find the solitude or comfort they need. Plan a night where everyone participates in a favorite family activity.

Watch for signs of stress, fear or anxiety. After a traumatic event, it is typical for children (and adults) to experience a wide range of emotions, including fearfulness, shock, anger, grief and anxiety. Your children’s behaviors may change because of their response to the event. They may experience trouble sleeping, difficulty with concentrating on school work, or changes in appetite. This is normal for everyone and should begin to disappear in a few months. Encourage your children to put their feelings into words by talking about them or journaling. Some children may find it helpful to express their feelings through art.

Take “news breaks”. Your children may want to keep informed by gathering information about the event from the internet, television, or newspapers. It is important to limit the amount of time spent watching the news because constant exposure may actually heighten their anxiety and fears. Also, scheduling some breaks for yourself is important; allow yourself time to engage in activities you enjoy.

Take care of yourself. Take care of yourself so you can take care of your children. Be a model for your children on how to manage traumatic events. Keep regular schedules for activities such as family meals and exercise to help restore a sense of security and normalcy.

These tips and strategies can help you guide your children through the current crisis. If you are feeling stuck or overwhelmed, you may want to consider talking to someone who could help. A licensed mental health professional such as a psychologist can assist you in developing an appropriate strategy for moving forward. It is important to get professional help if you feel like you are unable to function or perform basic activities of daily living.

Thanks to psychologists Ronald S. Palomares, PhD, and Lynn F. Bufka, PhD. who assisted us with this article.

Updated April 2011

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Have $235,000? That’s What It Costs To Raise A Kid Today-Before College

 Take your pick. Would you rather buy a 2012 Ferrari or would you rather–have a baby? The choice is yours but the cost for each is about the same.
An infantThis little guy will set you back $234,900 before he even heads to college. Good luck.

A report out today from USDA reveals that a middle-income family with a child born in 2011 can expect to spend about $234,900 ($295,560 if projected inflation costs are factored in).

That’s a 3.5% increase from 2010 and a 23% hike from 1960 (that’s when the USDA first issued this report) when the cost of raising a child was equivalent to $191,723.

The $234,900 represents costs for food, shelter and other necessities to raise a child for 17 years. The annual cost of raising a child today in a middle class family:$12,290 to $14,320, depending on the age of the child, according to the report.

Why the 3.5% jump from 2010? The report says the cost of transportation, child care, education, and food saw the largest percentage increases related to child rearing from 2010. Health care, clothing and housing costs also increased but to a lesser extent.

Of course, the cost jumps for higher income families; those earning more than $102,870 can expect to spend $389,670. A family earning less than $59,410 per year can expect to spend a total of $169,080 (in 2011 dollars) on a child from birth through high school.

Note that the $234, 900 figure does not include college costs since it covers the cost of raising a child for 17 years. With college costs soaring here’s hoping your little ones are smart enough to get a free ride–or least a call from Peter Thiel.

source: USDA

http://www.forbes.com/sites/halahtouryalai/2012/06/14/have-235000-thats-what-it-costs-to-raise-a-kid-today-before-college/?goback=%2Egde_3818704_member_124659060

Humor

The 5 Worst Kids of the Year

By Stephanie Rabiner, Esq. on May 9, 2012 5:55 AM | No TrackBacks

As Mother’s Day looms closer, you may feel the need to take stock of just how well you’ve raised your kids. Have they always been perfect? Probably not. But they’re probably decent enough to buy a card or make a short phone call on Sunday, right?

If not, just remember that it could be worse. Not only could your children have made your life infinitely more difficult up until this point, they could have made this list. So take pride in the fact that your little ones don’t even come close to being one of the worst kids of the year.

1. Juice box stabber. This unnamed 5-year-old is accused of stabbing three family members over a juice box. His mom disputes the motive, but admits that he took a knife to two cousins and an aunt. She also told local reporters that he’s always been prone to outbursts.

If your kids never threatened you with a knife, you win.

2. Kathryn & Steven Miner. These two siblings are the epitome of ungrateful. In 2008,they sued their mom, accusing her of ruining their posh Chicago childhood. They spent 2011 defending the suit in an appeals court. They say their mom set curfews! She made them wear seat belts! And (gasp), she enforced a party dress budget!

If your kids haven’t yet sued you for setting boundaries, you win.

3. Jessica Rodriguez. This 22-year-old concocted a fake international kidnapping scheme so she could visit her fugitive boyfriend in Mexico. She even called her mom with the news. The entire ruse was an immature attempt to avoid mom’s side-eye — she doesn’t approve of the man in her daughter’s life.

If your kids keep their secret liaisons in the country, you get a point. If they’ve never dated a fugitive, go ahead and give yourself another.

4. Disrespected teen. This 15-year-old called 911 to report her mom’s loud sex. According to the police report, she “stated that there was no form of abuse or neglect in the house but she only felt disrespected.”

If your kids haven’t reported your nighttime activities, give yourself a point. You’ve taught them discretion — and the beauty of placing a pillow over one’s head.

5. Scott Bennett. Some people never grow up, including this 45-year-old man. Hepublished a fake obituary for his living mother in order to get paid time off. The worst part? He actually thought no one would notice that his mom wasn’t actually dead. They did.

If your kids haven’t yet faked your death, pat yourself on the back. You’re really not as embarrassing as they make you out to be.

Source:

http://blogs.findlaw.com/legalgrounds/2012/05/the-5-worst-kids-of-the-year.html#more

Clean up Facebook posts

Is A Facebook Page Worth Your Job? E-Discovery And Spoliation In The Age Of Social Media

Social media has become a vital way to communicate with friends, family and colleagues. Status updates, tweets and texts have rapidly replaced letters and telephone calls as the preferred methods of communication for a large segment of the population. Indeed, recent figures indicate that one out of seven people in the world belongs to a social media site, such as Facebook, LinkedIn or Twitter. It was inevitable, then, that this pervasive force would wend its way into civil litigation. Just since the beginning of 2010, social media evidence has been addressed in more than 600 published decisions. Some recent cases of interest include  Tompkins v. Detroit Metropolitan Airport, 2012 WL 179320 (E.D. Mich. Jan. 18, 2012) (court found that defendant must make a sufficient predicate showing that the private Facebook material sought in discovery is reasonably calculated to lead to the discovery of admissible evidence); Offenback v. L.M. Bowman, Inc., 2011 WL 2491371 (M.D. Pa. June 22, 2011) (court granted a defense request for an in-camera review of plaintiff’s private Facebook page to determine whether or not the content was responsive to the defendant’s discovery requests); and State of Connecticut v. Eleck, 23 A.3d 818 (Conn. App. 2011) (court did not allow Facebook postings to be used to impeach prosecution witness, stating that the postings had not been properly authenticated as being posted by witness, even though they originated from witness’s Facebook account).

Accompanying social media’s increased presence in cases and in the courtroom are rules and sanctions related to spoliation of social media evidence. Thus far, spoliation sanctions in this realm have been rare. A recent Virginia state court decision, however, demonstrates the ramifications of poor decisions by both counsel and parties when dealing with run-of-the-mill discovery requests that have a social media element.

Lester v. Allied Concrete Co., No. CL 08-150 (Va. Cir. Ct. Oct 21, 2011), was a wrongful death case stemming from a tragic set of circumstances. In 2008, truck driver William Donald Sprouse pleaded guilty to charges of involuntary manslaughter for the accidental death of Jessica Lester. According to news reports, Sprouse’s “truck rounded a corner on two wheels, flipped and rolled over onto Lester’s car, a crushing 60,000 pounds landing where Jessica sat.” Jessica Lester’s husband of two years and her parents subsequently sued Allied (Sprouse’s employer) and Sprouse, eventually winning a jury verdict of over $10 million, making it reportedly one of the largest wrongful death verdicts in the state’s history.

That verdict, however, was short-lived. The court’s post-verdict order in the case addressed a plethora of complaints from defense counsel regarding Lester’s conduct and the conduct of his attorney, Michael Murray, both before and during trial.  Among other things, the court found that Lester and his counsel intentionally spoliated evidence found on Lester’s Facebook page. Even though all material on the page was ultimately recovered and produced and the court found that defendants suffered no prejudice, the court found that sanctions were warranted.

During the course of discovery, Allied’s counsel learned that Lester had a photo on his Facebook page of himself in an “I [heart] hot moms” t-shirt, holding a beer can, and standing with other young adults. Sensing that this activity was inconsistent with his self-portrayal as a grieving widower, Allied served discovery requests along with a copy of the photo, asking for screenshots of Lester’s Facebook page “as of the date the request was signed.”

Upon receiving this request, Murray instructed his assistant to contact Lester and tell him to “clean up” his Facebook page because “we don’t want blowups of this stuff at trial.” His assistant e-mailed Lester the next day. Murray then instructed his client to deactivate the page entirely, so that he could represent in his response to the discovery requests that he had “no page as of the date of the response.” After further wrangling between the parties, the page was re-activated so that screenshots could be taken, but Lester then “cleaned up” the page consistent with the prior instructions, deleting 16 photographs and other evidence. Lester later denied during his deposition that he ever deactivated his account.

Suspicious about these activities and Lester’s testimony, defense counsel subpoenaed from Murray all e-mails between Murray and Lester that related to the Facebook account. Not surprisingly, Murray and Lester resisted, claiming work product and attorney-client privilege.  When the court ordered Murray to produce a privilege log, he did so, but he withheld the e-mail from his assistant instructing Lester to clean up his Facebook page. Murray subsequently produced the e-mail to the judge, claiming the omission was an oversight by a paralegal.

The court found this behavior to be aberrant and that due to “the extensive pattern of deceptive and obstructionist conduct of Murray and Lester … most of the substantial fees and costs expended by Defendants were necessary and appropriate to address and defend against such conduct.” The court also found specifically that Lester intentionally spoliated evidence.

Ultimately, the wrongful death verdict was slashed to $4.45 million for reasons ostensibly unrelated to Lester’s and Murray’s conductMoreover, the court sanctioned Murray in the amount of $542,000, and Lester in the amount of $180,000, citing as primary reasons their actions relating to Lester’s Facebook page. Murray’s conduct was referred to the Virginia State Bar. Since the court’s October 2011 ruling, Murray reportedly has left his position at his law firm and quit the practice of law.

While this case obviously involves extreme behavior on the part of counsel, it gives rise to some important tips to keep in mind when dealing with any case involving social media:

  1. Don’t Forget That the Rules Still Apply. When new technology is introduced to discovery, many attorneys try to stretch the limits of discovery as far as possible. For example, when parties first began to produce documents in electronic rather than paper form, many attorneys would purposely not produce load files, searchable text, or any metadata – all things now considered to be commonplace – in order to “one-up” their opponents. Similarly, there may be a tendency to think that social media accounts provide a strategic opportunity for gamesmanship, because social media can be mercurial and capable of manipulation. Attorneys should be aware, however, that the same rules of evidence apply to social media sites as to other evidence. Accordingly, in the same way you would not instruct a client to shred files or trash a hard drive, no changes should be made to relevant or potentially responsive evidence on social media accounts once litigation is reasonably anticipated. Also, know the rules of your jurisdiction – courts are becoming increasingly savvy with e-discovery and several of them have particular guidelines to guide parties through e-discovery disputes. Two good examples are (1) the U.S. District Court of Maryland’s Suggested Protocol for the Discovery of Electronically Stored Information, which can be found at http://www.mdd.uscourts.gov/news/news/ESIProtocol.pdf; and (2) the New York State Bar Association’s “Best Practices In E-Discovery In New York State and Federal Courts,” which can be found at http://www.nysba.org/AM/Template.cfm?Section=Home&ContentID=58331&Template=/CM/ContentDisplay.cfm.
  2. Ensure That Social Media Is Preserved. Facebook pages (for individuals and companies), web pages, tweets and electronic boards are often overlooked in current litigation hold notices. Make sure that the appropriate individuals at a client company have received litigation hold notices that specifically mention that, to the extent they may contain potentially relevant information, social media must be preserved. To the extent possible, have your e-discovery vendor, IT support personnel or client download a complete copy of any such social media as soon as a hold goes in place; impress upon them the fact that information cannot be deleted; and regularly check to make sure that no new data has been added and/or changed on the site during the course of litigation. Also, most social media sites operate by using cloud computing, which often has shorter electronic retention policies than most companies with dedicated server space. Be aware that since social media may involve outside organizations that operate with their own set of restrictions, it is important to start early.
  3. If Inadvertent Spoliation Occurs, Report It. It is doubtful that the sanctions against Murray and Lester would have been as severe as they were if it were not for their repeated and systematic cover-up of the deleted information. Courts realize that the discovery of electronically stored information, while increasingly prevalent, still creates unique challenges. If counsel is able to make the case early on that the spoliation was inadvertent and that the party took reasonable steps to identify, recover and/or quantify the information lost, sanctions are likely to be less severe.
  4. Engage Competent Vendors and Counsel Early for Advice. Make sure that your vendor has experience with collection and/or analysis of social media specifically, including preservation of associated metadata, and that your counsel likewise is on top of current social media issues that may affect your case. Importantly, while an e-discovery vendor should always be a key member of the discovery team, your outside counsel must be able to identify both technical and legal issues to make sure that the vendor is operating efficiently and effectively.

*  *  *

While Virginia may have been one of the first states to delve into the social media sanctions waters, it certainly will not be the last. Lester teaches us that, despite the novel format, the rules of civil procedure still apply to e-discovery. Claims professionals and counsel should be alert for social media issues in their cases and should question insureds (and claimants) about their social media practices in order to assure that all relevant information is captured for discovery. The Lester case also demonstrates the importance of addressing these issues early – if you know information exists that may be helpful (or damning) to your case, it is best to assess any potential social media pitfalls as soon as practicable, not to wait until a discovery request with a potentially damaging photograph appears in your inbox.

Source:

http://www.metrocorpcounsel.com/articles/18347/facebook-page-worth-your-job-e-discovery-and-spoliation-age-social-media?goback=%2Egde_3818704_member_115764646

Swearing in!

Congratulations to Judge Mark Barcus on being sworn in this afternoon at the Tulsa County Courthouse.  Congratulations on his appearance last night on OETA “Ask a Lawyer as well.  I saw a lot of friends on their answering questions.  It has been about five years since I volunteered and was on television.  May be time to do it again!

Discovery in Divorce cases


POSTED BY BVERTZ, APR 18, 2012 • DIVORCESETTLEMENT • NO COMMENTS

Resolving a divorce requires a lot of information. The process of exchanging information and documents is formally known as “discovery.” Our courts have issued rules that litigants must follow when requesting discovery and responding those requests. The discovery rules include deadlines for answering requests and procedures for resolving conflicts when litigants do not produce all that is asked of them. Discovery can be a major headache for divorcing spouses. No one has the time and energy to locate and organize hundreds of pages of documents, or answer dozens of questions, but it can be a crucial step in the divorce process. Here are my tips for divorcing spouses who are facing a discovery request:

  1. Don’t wait. When facing any large task, it is tempting to procrastinate, but waiting only adds to the mental pressure. Generally speaking, most discovery requests must be answered within thirty days. The answer must be formatted by your lawyer to comply with the procedural rules, so in actuality, you should provide the information and documents to your lawyer in less than thirty days. Start by reading the request from beginning to end, considering whether you have the information and documents to answer each question. Make a note of the information that you need to gather from storage, accountants, financial institutions, or other sources. Contact those sources early so that they will have an opportunity to obtain the information and documents that you will need.
  2. Understand the objections. When answering a discovery request, the rules allow respondents to raise objections to some of the requests if appropriate. Generally, the objections falls into three major categories: (a) the request is too broad or remote; (b) the information is privileged or irrelevant; or (c) the information is unavailable. Communicate your objections to your lawyer upon your initial review of the request, so that your lawyer can frame your objections in a legally-recognized way or explain why you may have to answer some requests that you object to.
  3. Share the information. It may be time-consuming to answer questions thoroughly and gather documents, but it is worthwhile. If you litigate the case, then your lawyer will need information and documents as evidence in court; and if you do not produce the documents and information that your spouse has requested in discovery, you cannot use it yourself in court. Even if you settle your case, the discovery documents and information will be useful. Settlements generally require “full and fair disclosure,” which means informed consent. If you have not exchanged information and documents in discovery, your spouse might be able to challenge the validity of your settlement later, due to lack of full and fair disclosure.

Discovery is one of the most significant mileposts on the journey to resolution of a divorce. Without complete, accurate information, it is nearly impossible to settle or litigate child support, division of marital property, or other financial issues in divorce. Information is not useful if it is locked in your head. Share it with others through discovery.

Common Law Marriage

Oklahoma is one of only a few states to recognize common law marriages. But it’s not as common as it might seem.

Are my lover and I common law spouses after living together for six months?

Not on that basis alone. Common law marriage may have more myths associated with it than perhaps any other area of family law. The fact is, the existence of a common law marriage in Oklahoma is hard to prove. Cohabitation, using the same last name, combining finances, jumping over broomsticks at a party, and other actions said to establish a common-law marriage are just pieces of a much larger puzzle. By themselves, they mean nothing.

How does one prove a common law marriage?

Most marriages are established by following statutory procedures. They are commonly called ceremonial marriages, and the spouses who use the legal procedures are considered officially legally married. Oklahoma is one of only a handful of states (8 at last count) to recognize consensual non-ceremonial marriages. These are called common law marriages. They are formed by the consent of the parties who enter into the marriage, without meeting all the state requirements, such as a ceremony or a license. Common law marriage is a combination of state of mind and particular actions.

Oklahoma case law sets forth a five-part test to establish a common law marriage:

  • An actual and mutual agreement between the spouses to be husband and wife;
  • A permanent relationship;
  • An exclusive relationship;
  • The parties to the marriage must hold themselves out publicly as husband and wife, and;
  • Cohabitation as man and wife (There is actually a split of authority on this particular standard).

The party asserting a common law marriage must prove all of these elements by clear and convincing evidence. Relevant evidence would include joint income tax returns, joint financial accounts, jointly held assets, joint credit, medical records, insurance records, introductions and comments to third parties, hotel receipts, and any number of other forms of documentation. If clear and convincing evidence is missing as to any part of the above referenced test, the claim of a common law marriage will fail. Obviously, each common law marriage case is determined on its own facts.

Common law spouses who want to end their relationship must use the courts to get divorced, just like people who are legally married under state law.

Source:

http://www.divorcenet.com/states/oklahoma/common_law_marriage_in_oklahoma

By Tulsa Attorney David Tracy.