Stowe guests: Rewriting your divorce story

In this instalment of Stowe guests, we catch-up back again with Claire Black from Claire Black Divorce Coaching.

Today, she joins us to look at how you can rewrite your divorce story and five great questions to ask yourself to help you along the way.

How often do you find yourself telling your divorce story?  

How does it make you feel when you tell it?  

How you tell your story matters, because it will affect the way you feel inside, how you react, and how others see you.

 When my husband first left, I told my sad story a million times.  I focused on how awful it was, how hard I was finding it, how unfair it was, and how angry I felt.  I spent hours and hours trying to work out what had gone wrong, why this was happening to me, and not coming up with any answers – or at least none that were helpful.  

It was no wonder I felt down!  Every time I told my story, I was re-feeling all the emotions that were tied up with it.  I saw myself as the victim of my divorce, and that was keeping me feeling stuck and overwhelmed.   

I realised I needed to do something to shift how I felt and rewrite my story.  I needed to ask myself better questions, ones that would empower me to move forward and begin to think in different ways.

These are 5 of my top questions that you can use to rewrite your divorce story, and shift how you feel:

If there was one good thing about this, what would it be?

This is a hugely powerful, but simple, question, and one that I ask all the time. It can be challenging to think of a good thing when you’re feeling very low, and your first reaction might be “that’s impossible, there is nothing good about this!”.  

Try it once and see what happens.

 I have had all kinds of answers to this question in sessions with me, ranging from “we can eat fish fingers and beans now whenever we like”, “I can turn the light on in the en-suite now when I get up in the night”, to “I no longer feel like a prisoner in my own home”. If you practice asking yourself this question whenever something throws you, you are training your mind to refocus on moving forward. It might be a challenge at first, but if you persevere, it will become a habit, and you will find that you can spot the upside in anything.

What have I done today that I can be proud of?

Rather than focusing on what you can’t do, shift your focus onto what you CAN do, and what you have achieved. I often ask clients to make a list of all the things they have achieved, and what resources they needed to achieve that.  I remember when I mowed the lawn for the first time after my husband left. It sounds like a simple thing, but I’d never done it before, and I felt afterwards that I had achieved another “first”.

What can I do now that I couldn’t do before?

This question also shifts your focus onto opportunities that may be in front of you.  Perhaps your ex hated flying, and now you can plan a holiday abroad. Perhaps you enjoy long walks in the countryside, but it was impossible with small children, and now that you have some time to yourself you could join a walking group. Or maybe your ex disliked certain foods, and now you are free to eat it whenever you want.  The answers don’t have to be huge things, they can be tiny differences – but they are powerful.

What do I have to be grateful for?  What makes me happy?

I always say that gratitude is the best antidote to negative emotions. Despite everything that is happening around you, what good is there in your life? Once I ask this, it is amazing what people come up with. Family, friends, children, health, sunshine, an email of support, a moment of realisation that you are loved.  Just yesterday, a client described how she was able to stand looking out to sea in the sunshine, breathing in the smell of the sea, listening to the sound of the waves, and she was grateful for that moment of peace and calm. Once you know what makes you happy, how can you do more of that?

What new things have I learnt through this process?

Take a moment to consider what new things you might have learnt.  They might be small, and they might be huge. It doesn’t matter – the important thing is that you are shifting your focus.  I learnt so many things through my divorce. I learnt how to fix my car, how to juggle bank accounts, how to breathe so that I could calm my thoughts, and most of all I learnt a huge amount about myself, how strong and resourceful I am, what mattered to me, and who I am.

Take a piece of paper, and a coffee, and sit down to answer these questions.  Notice how you feel as you go through them. Are there good things around you that you aren’t even noticing?  

Now think about how you could tell your story differently. Try telling someone your new story and notice how they react.  Also, notice how it may shift how you feel.

After all, the smallest of things can make the biggest difference. Start with your story.

You can read Claire’s other blogs here and get in touch with her here. 

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Author: Stowe Family Law

A week in family law: Statistics, statistics, statistics… and a Supreme Court case

As I reported here on Monday, in the last week we have been treated to the latest statistics for marriages, legal aid and the family court. As I have already written quite a bit about the statistics, I will limit myself here mostly to points that I did not cover in my post.

As to the marriage statistics, which were for 2016, these indicated not only that the number of marriages was up in that year but also some other interesting things, including that for the first time ever less than one-quarter (24%) of all marriages were religious ceremonies. Kanak Ghosh, of the Vital Statistics Outputs Branch at the Office for National Statistics, summarised the main points when commenting: “Marriage rates remain at historical lows despite a small increase in the number of people who got married in 2016. Most couples are preferring to do so with a civil ceremony and for the first time ever, less than a quarter of everyone who married had a religious ceremony. Meanwhile, the age at which people are marrying continues to hit new highs as more and more over 50s get married.” In summary, then, fewer people than in the past are wanting to get married, and those that do are tying the knot later, more often in a civil ceremony. Quite what we are to make of these facts, I’m not sure.

Moving on to the legal aid statistics (which were for the quarter October to December 2018), I have already mentioned in my post the small rise in mediations. Of course, the statistics related to much else, including the overall cost of legal aid. In that quarter legal aid granted in family cases amounted to £137 million, a decrease of 1% compared to the same period in 2017. Expenditure on public law cases was £117 million, which was up 1%, expenditure on private law cases was £20 million, which was down 15%, and expenditure on mediation was £1 million, which was up 3%. Not really any surprise there – I suppose the large drop in private law expenditure was due to the closure of cases that began before legal aid was abolished. Otherwise, the number of applications for legal aid supported by evidence of domestic violence or child abuse that were granted increased by 16% compared to the same period of the previous year. So a small bit of good news there.

As to the Family Court statistics, which were also for October to December 2018, including data for the whole of 2018, I’ve not really got much more I want to say over and above what I said in my post. Perhaps the one thing I should point out is the depressing figures regarding legal representation. The statistics showed that in 2018 the proportion of case disposals where neither the applicant nor respondent had legal representation was 37%, up 24 percentage points compared to 2012, before legal aid was abolished for most private law family matters, and up 1 percentage point from 2017. Correspondingly, the proportion of cases where both parties had legal representation dropped by 25 percentage points, to 20% over the same period. Cases with at least one hearing where the proportion of parties with legal representation dropped from 59% in 2012 to 35% in 2018. Bad news, both for litigants struggling to represent themselves, and for the courts having to deal with more litigants in person.

And finally, a case that was not strictly related to family law, but is I’m sure of interest to both family lawyers and those involved, or who have been involved, in acrimonious divorce proceedings. On Wednesday the Supreme Court handed down its decision in Stocker v Stocker, which arose from a woman posting on Facebook that her former husband had tried to strangle her. The ex-husband issued proceedings against the woman, claiming that the statement was defamatory, as it suggested he tried to kill her. Initially he won his case in the High Court, after it was ruled that people reading the woman’s post would have thought he tried to kill her. However, the woman appealed to the Supreme Court, which found that the “ordinary reader” would have understood the comments to mean he grasped the neck of his ex-wife, and not that he tried to kill her. Accordingly, the appeal was allowed. You can read the full judgment of the Supreme Court here.

Have a good weekend.

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Author: John Bolch

Husband’s mother fails in claim that she was the real owner of the business

In a financial remedy claim following divorce the court can obviously only deal with property that belongs to one or both of the parties. Property that actually belongs to someone else is not part of the claim. As might be imagined, it is a common scenario that someone other than the husband and wife, often another family member, claims to own property that would otherwise be subject to the claim. In such a case, the court must decide as a preliminary issue who actually owns the property, before it decides the financial remedy claim itself.

That was the task facing Mr Justice Mostyn in the recent case Rothschild v Charmaine De Souza.

Now, before I describe the case I should explain that its facts are a little complex, as they often are when family businesses are involved. I will therefore be simplifying the facts of the case for the purpose of this post, to make it easier to follow. In particular, I will assume that there was only one business throughout the history of the case, whereas in reality there were several businesses.

The case revolved around who owned the family business. Was it owned by the husband and the wife equally, as the relevant paperwork suggested, or was it actually owned by the husband’s mother, as she claimed?

The business, a company, was incorporated in 1999. Its two issued one-penny shares were transferred from the formation agents to the husband and the wife. Thereafter all of the documentation relating to the company, including documentation signed by the husband, indicated that it was held 50:50 by the husband and the wife. Certainly, the husband did not, in any of that documentation, indicate that the true owner of the business was his mother.

The marriage broke down and the parties separated in September 2016. Divorce proceedings then ensued, along with financial remedy proceedings.

Within the financial remedy proceedings the husband was required to prepare a financial statement (‘Form E’), setting out details of his finances, including all of his assets. A draft of the Form E was delivered in April 2017, and this was the first time that the husband asserted that the business was owned by his mother. His mother was made a party to the proceedings and, as explained, the issue of the true ownership of the business fell to Mr Justice Mostyn to decide.

Perhaps the most interesting part of Mr Justice Mostyn’s judgment is the initial section (paragraphs 1 to 7), in which he explains his task, and how the court goes about deciding what he called (using a term that a lay person would understand) who ‘really owned’ the company. If you would like a plain-English introduction to what can be a horrendously complex area of law then I would recommend that you read those paragraphs. It all boils down to the difference between being a ‘formal owner’ (i.e. the owner according to the documentation, for example the deeds, in the case of land) and the real owner – it is quite often the case that, for various reasons, the two people are quite different.

In fact, Mr Justice Mostyn’s task in this case was not that difficult (or at least that’s how his judgment reads to someone who has never sat in judgment of anyone or anything!). The evidence clearly pointed to the business being owned equally by the husband and the wife. Mr Justice Mostyn listed examples of facts indicating that the business had been treated and represented as being in the ownership of the husband and wife (at paragraph 23 of his judgment). He called the list a ‘formidable catalogue’. In other words, they very strongly pointed in the direction of the business being owned by the husband and the wife.

Faced with this unpleasant truth, the husband’s mother turned against her son, alleging that he had ‘gone rogue’, by holding himself out as the owner of, and dealing with, her property, when he had no authority to do so. Mr Justice Mostyn was having none of it: the husband had not gone rogue, in asserting to the world, including to tax authorities, and moneylenders, that he was, with the wife, the real owner of the business – he was speaking the truth. In any event, if they did not have any interest in the business, why would the husband and the wife have devoted their working lives to it?

Accordingly Mr Justice Mostyn concluded as follows:

“My very clear and strong finding on the evidence is that, at least from the time of the creation of the [company], it was the common intention of [the husband] and [the wife] that the business … would be owned 50:50 by them. [The husband’s mother] knew of this and went along with it.”

He therefore made an order declaring that the business belonged to the husband and the wife in equal shares.

His full judgment can be read here.

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Author: John Bolch

Tricky business: How do you work out what the family business is worth?

Divorce, whatever the circumstances, can be a tricky business but when a family or one of the partners runs their own business, things can be even more complicated.

One of the first stumbling blocks is working out an accurate valuation of the business. You cannot look at the division of a business without an understanding of its value.    

So, we asked Mark Heppinstall from the Stowe Family Law office in Ilkley, who is regularly instructed by business owners, or the spouses of business owners, to join us to explain the best way to get an accurate valuation.

“I am often asked by my clients whether there is a need to have any sole or shared business valued in the event of a divorce or separation.

To answer this, people need to understand that a business is something that can be considered by the Court as one of the financial resources that are available in a case, irrespective of whether the business is considered a matrimonial or non-matrimonial resource.

How to value a business

If a valuation is needed, in matrimonial cases it will usually be undertaken by a single joint expert acting on behalf of both parties. However, before instructing an expert, there are certain steps that should be taken first.

There should be consideration of full business accounts for the last two financial years, which applies to sole traders as much as it does to partnerships, LLP’s or shareholders in limited companies.

If a business is incorporated, abbreviated accounts can often be accessed online from Companies House. This contains easily accessible information that either party can review digitally at the touch of a button.

Whilst a useful overview, these are no replacement for full company accounts, which are usually much more informative and should include the full profit and loss account, balance sheet, detailed notes to the accounts and reports on behalf of the accountants and directors.

This information gives more context to the performance of a business than publicly accessible abbreviated accounts. Unsurprisingly, abbreviated accounts tend to be more concise and therefore might only tell part of the story.

A word of caution, it is worth bearing in mind that by the time business accounts or financial statements are available the data may be historic and could be out of date. Therefore, it is worth cross-checking this information against more current management accounts. This can help give both parties more confidence in a valuation and enable them to make more informed decisions without the need to instruct an expert.  

Additionally, if I am acting for a client who has an interest in a business, I often advise them to obtain a letter from their accountant to comment upon its value, which can assist in narrowing the issues in dispute. This can really help, although the flip side is that the spouse may be wary about relying on a company accountant’s valuation unless there is corroborating evidence from a single joint expert. Nevertheless it can help to explain how the valuation of the client’s interest in the business has been assessed.

I commonly see this if there is disagreement about how the business has been valued, or in cases where a spouse is less familiar with the business, which sometimes means they have less confidence in the accountant’s interpretation of its value.

If you cannot agree, how can the court help?

In most cases, after taking the above steps it is possible for an agreement on valuation to be reached. However, where this is not possible, the Court’s expectation is that expert evidence should be considered from a single joint expert instructed by both parties.

The question for the Court is whether it is necessary to instruct an expert.  If the Court is satisfied that an expert should be instructed, common practice is to instruct an independent accountant with no prior knowledge of the company in question. Although it would be expected that they should have sufficient knowledge of the market or sector in which the business operates.

Strictly speaking, there is no mandatory requirement for the Court’s permission to be obtained before an expert is instructed. However, permission is needed before expert evidence can be put before the Court.

If there is a dispute about whether to instruct an expert, this should be addressed at an early stage in a Court timetable and ideally no later than the first hearing. The Court will weigh up the cost and delay of instructing an expert against the potential value of a party’s interest in the business and the relevance of this in the context of the other matrimonial assets available.

The scope of an expert’s instruction should be carefully considered and could include the value of a spouse’s interest in a business, the extent to which this value is realisable (i.e. liquidity), the future maintainable income of the business and any tax consequences associated with a sale or disposition.

I often remind my client’s that the value of a business should be treated with caution and it is not realistic to compare a business valuation to property or other matrimonial assets.

Property is generally easier to value, easier to sell and convert to liquid capital and therefore more readily realisable. Business valuations are generally more uncertain, there is greater potential for change, they are typically regarded as more risk-laden and the sale of a business might affect a party’s earning capacity or future income; unlike the sale of a property.

The bigger financial picture

In view of this, clients should bear in mind that it can be misleading to treat a spouse’s interest in a business as a capital asset in isolation. Sometimes, it makes more sense to consider the income a spouse can draw from a business, which can be relevant when considering maintenance. Maintenance that could well be guillotined if a client was forced to sell their interest in a business to realise it’s capital value.

What is clear is that there is no one size fits all approach and each case will be based on its own facts. Sometimes a valuation from a single joint expert can really help, but all too often parties can jump to this starting point without first taking sensible and proportionate steps to consider whether this is necessary.”

Get in touch 

If you are separating from your partner and either you or your spouse hold an interest in a business, it is important to take early advice tailored to your specific circumstances.

At Stowe Family Law we work closely with our in-house forensic accountants to ensure that all bases are covered in this respect.

If you would like to get in touch with Mark you can email him at  [email protected] or please do contact our Client Care Team at the details below.

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Author: Mark Heppinstall

Measures offered by father adequate to protect mother and child on return to Latvia

We all know that the popular media can get things wrong when it reports on legal cases, misunderstanding why the court has made the decision it has. But sometimes it is not so much that the media gets it wrong, more that the media misses the real point of the case.

So it was with the recent child abduction case A (A Child) (Hague Abduction; Art 13(B): Protective Measures). The case was referred to by a certain national newspaper, under the headline: “Mum who thought daughter would have better life in UK is ordered to go back to Latvia”. As that headline indicates, the report suggested that the mother brought her daughter to England simply because she thought her daughter would have a better life here, and told us that Mr Justice Williams, hearing the case, decided that decisions relating to the child’s future should be made by the Latvian courts. Accordingly, he ordered the mother to return the child to Latvia.

In fact, the crucial issue in the case related to a point only touched upon by the newspaper report: the mother’s allegation that she had been subjected to domestic abuse by the father.

The relevant facts of the case were as follows. The mother, father and child (who was born in December 2014) are all of Latvian origin. The mother brought the child to the United Kingdom in the summer/early autumn of 2018, without the agreement of the father, and had been living here ever since with her mother.

The father made an application for the child’s summary return to Latvia, pursuant to the Hague Convention on Child Abduction. The mother raised a defence under Article 13(b) of the Convention: that there was a grave risk that her return would expose the child to physical or psychological harm, or otherwise place the child in an intolerable situation. The mother alleged that the father had subjected her to domestic abuse, both of a physical and coercive/controlling nature.

The father denied the mother’s allegations, and offered the court certain ‘protective measures’, to ensure that the mother and child would be safe upon their return to Latvia. These included the following undertakings (or promises to the court):

  1. Not to remove the child from the mother’s care, pending a hearing in the Latvian courts.
  2. To initiate proceedings in the Latvian courts so that if the mother and child returned, there would be a hearing before a judge who would be able to discern what the arrangements should be for the child,
  3. Not assault, harass, threaten, interfere or molest the mother, whether by himself or any third party.
  4. To vacate the property where he and the mother had lived, and allow the mother and child to reside there until there was a hearing in the Latvian courts.

Mr Justice Williams considered the evidence of the mother and father. He did not make a determination as to whether the mother’s allegations were true, but found that if they were they would amount to domestic abuse at a relatively high level. Accordingly, taking the mother’s allegations at their highest, as he had to do, the Article 13(b) ‘threshold’ was certainly met.

The question, then, was whether the protective measures offered by the father were sufficient to address the identified risk. Mr Justice Williams found that they were: the measures would provide the mother with the necessary protection, and could be registered in the Latvian courts, so that they were enforceable there. In practice, that meant that the mother could not establish her Article 13(b) defence, and accordingly Mr Justice Williams ordered the return of the child to Latvia.

Going back to that newspaper headline, it was true that the mother had said that she thought that the child would have a better life in this country. However, as we have seen, the real issue in the case was not where it would be best for the child to live (that will be a decision for the Latvian court, if the mother makes an application there to remove the child to this country), but whether it would be safe for the child to return to Latvia.

You can read the full judgment here.

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Author: John Bolch

12 of the best books to help children cope with divorce

As recent statistics from the Ministry of Justice revealed that divorce rates have gone up by 8% 2017 v 2018 and it is regularly quoted that close to 50% of marriages end, divorce is not unusual.

However, for the families behind the statistics, it is incredibly unusual. There is no set pattern, no rule book on how to deal with it and no guide on the best things to say. And whilst children will have friends whose parents have divorced and people in the wider family, depending on their age they may have no personal insight into what the term actually means.

Through my experience of working with families going through a divorce, I have seen a positive impact reading has had on children dealing with the process. There is comfort in reading for children and books can help them to understand they are not alone, it’s not that fault and that change can be for the better.

Here are my top 12 books, that I have used when working with clients and their children.  I have organised by age range.

Older children (recommended 9+)

The Suitcase Kid by Jacqueline Wilson

When my parents split up they didn’t know what to do with me . . . My family always lived at Mulberry Cottage. Mum, Dad, me – and Radish, my Sylvanian rabbit. But now Mum lives with Bill the Baboon and his three kids. Dad lives with Carrie and her twins. And where do I live? I live out of a suitcase. One week with Mum’s new family, one week with Dad’s.

Deals with: having two homes, blended families

Clean Break by Jacqueline Wilson

Em adores her funny, glamorous dad – who cares if he’s not her real father? He’s wonderful to her, and to her little brother Maxie and sister Vita. True to form at Christmas, Dad gives them fantastic presents, including a real emerald ring for his little Princess Em.

Unfortunately, he’s got another surprise in store – he’s leaving them. Will Dad’s well-meaning but chaotic attempts to keep seeing Em and the other children help the family come to terms with this new crisis? Or would they be better off with a clean break – just like Em’s arm?

Deals with: rejection, absence, step-parents

Goggle Eyes by Anne Fine

Kitty Killin is not only a good storyteller but also the World’s Greatest Expert when it comes to mothers having new and unwanted boyfriends. Particularly when there’s a danger they might turn into new and unwanted stepfathers…

Deals with: new partners, step-parents

It’s not the end of the world by Judy Blume

Karen’s parents have always argued, and lately, they’ve been getting worse. But when her father announces that they’re going to get divorced, it seems as if Karen’s whole world will fall apart. Her brother, Jeff, blames their mum. Her kid sister, Amy, asks impossible questions and is scared that everyone she loves is going to leave. Karen just wants her parents to get back together. Gradually, she learns that this isn’t going to happen – and realizes that divorce is not the end of the world.

Deals with: family conflict and separation

Younger children (recommended 3-8 yrs)

Mum and Dad Glue by Kes Gray

A little boy tries to find a pot of parent glue to stick his mum and dad back together. His parents have come undone and he wants to mend their marriage, stick their smiles back on and make them better. This rhyming story is brilliantly told with a powerful message that even though his parents may be broken, their love for him is not.

Deals with: coming to terms with parents’ separation

The Family Fairies by Rosemary Lucas

Rosemary’s primary aim was to provide the foundations for other adoptive families to help explain their own remarkable journeys… storytelling to help children understand that families come together in different ways.

Deals with: the adoption process

Two Homes by Claire Masurel

In this award-winning picture book classic about divorce, Alex has two homes – a home where Daddy lives and a home where Mummy lives. Alex has two front doors, two bedrooms and two very different favourite chairs. He has a toothbrush at Mummy’s and a toothbrush at Daddy’s. But whether Alex is with Mummy or Daddy, one thing stays the same: Alex is loved by them both – always. This gently reassuring story focuses on what is gained rather than what is lost when parents divorce, while the sensitive illustrations, depicting two unique homes in all their small details, firmly establish Alex’s place in both of them. Two Homes will help children – and parents – embrace even the most difficult of changes with an open and optimistic heart.

Deals with: parents’ separation, moving between two homes

The Great Big Book of Families by Mary Hoffman

What is a family? Once, it was said to be a father, mother, boy, girl, cat and dog living in a house with a garden. But as times have changed, families have changed too, and now there are almost as many kinds of families as colours of the rainbow – from a mum and dad or single parent to two mums or two dads, from a mixed-race family to children with different mums and dads, to families with a disabled member. This is a fresh, optimistic look through children’s eyes at today’s wide variety of family life: from homes, food, ways of celebrating, schools and holidays to getting around, jobs and housework, from extended families, languages and hobbies to pets and family trees.

Deals with: change in family dynamics, non-traditional families

Very young children (2+)

I’ll never let you go by Smriti Prasadam-Halls

When you aren’t sure, you’ll feel me near,
When you are scared, I will be here.
When you are high, when you are low,
I’ll be holding your hand and I’ll never let go.

A tender and heartfelt picture book. With reassuring words offering a message of unconditional love, and illustrations bursting with exuberance, warmth and humour.

Deals with: reassurance

Living with mum and living with dad: my two homes

Mum and Dad don’t live together any more, so sometimes this little girl lives with her mum and her cat, and sometimes she lives with her dad. She has two bedrooms and two sets of toys, but she takes her favourite toys with her wherever she goes. This simple, warm, lift-the-flap book with bold and colourful illustrations is a reassuring representation of separation for the youngest children. Melanie Walsh is sympathetically alive to the changes in routine that are familiar to many children who live with separate parents and are loved by both.

Deals with: moving between homes, changes to routine

The Family Book by Todd Parr

Some families have two moms or two dads. Some families have one parent instead of two. Some families live in a house by themselves. Some families share a house with other families. All families can help each other be strong!

The Family Book celebrates families and all the different varieties they come in. Whether they’re big or small, look alike or different, have a single parent or two, Todd Parr assures readers that every family is special in its own unique way.

Deals with: looking at different kinds of families

Guess how much I love you by Sam McBratney

Sometimes, when you love someone very, very much, you want to find a way of describing how much you treasure them. But, as Little Nutbrown Hare and Big Nutbrown Hare discover, love is not always an easy thing to measure. The story of Little and Big Nutbrown Hares’ efforts to express their love for each other.

Deals with: comfort

Get in touch

If you need support and advice on getting a divorce, please do get in touch with our Client Care Team at the details below or make an online enquiry

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Author: Helen Miller

The sins of social media

In any type of litigation the parties may obviously be aggrieved by a decision of the court that goes against them. However, in family litigation the sense of injustice can go much deeper, especially where children are involved. It can reach such a point that the aggrieved party may seek redress outside of the court, which they see as biased against them.

This is nothing new. Aggrieved litigants have always gone to the media to try to gain support for their case. However, more often than not of course the media are not interested, or not prepared to get involved. What has changed in recent times is that other avenues of redress have opened up for the aggrieved litigant.

I am talking, of course, about social media, whether Twitter, Facebook, blogging, YouTube or some other form. Social media has given the aggrieved litigant a potential audience beyond anything that could previously have been imagined. And there are few limitations upon what can be said on social media. Better still, you can reach that audience with great ease, by writing a few words, or by just posting a video, all from the comfort of your own home. But that ease of use can be a problem: without the ‘filter’ of having to go to the media, litigants can often get themselves into trouble before they have had a chance to consider the implications.

Obviously, the actual audience may often initially be quite small, limited to those friends and family who follow your social media account. But it doesn’t take much knowledge to widen the audience significantly, by reaching out to others with a similar grievance. And then those others only need to click a button to spread the word to their own followers. Soon your story might be known by thousands of like-minded people.

It all seems such a wonderful idea. With a few words and a few clicks of a mouse you can gather an army of supporters, ready to tackle the injustices of the biased family courts.

But this road is fraught with dangers, and it will almost certainly not provide you with the result you seek. Instead, it is only likely to damage your case, possibly fatally.

The first and obvious point to make is that the court is likely to take an extremely dim view of a party who uses social media in an attempt to undermine the authority of the court. This could well influence future decisions made by the court.

The second point to make is that children involved in family court proceedings should usually not be identified. And that also means that it should not be possible to do a ‘jigsaw’ identification, by giving sufficient details to enable them to be identified even if they are not actually named. Courts are likely to penalise anyone identifying a child involved in family proceedings.

Note that even if you use social media anonymously and do not identify any of the parties involved, there is still a very high chance that your reader/watchers/listeners (or some of them) will be able to work out who you are. It isn’t worth the risk.

And the final point I wish to make is a non-legal one. Think of the effect upon your child of what you are doing. Do they want to be at the centre of a social media storm? Do they want the intimate details of their family life exposed to public scrutiny? And remember what you are doing may deepen the rifts within their family, leaving them with scars that may remain for the rest of their lives.

Let me be clear: unless the court has expressly forbidden you from discussing your case with anyone at all, you are not expected to keep entirely silent. It is quite normal to discuss a family case with other members of your family, or close friends. In fact, such discussions can be very useful, acting both as a relief valve and a support at an extremely stressful time in one’s life (best though to ignore any ‘legal’ advice from friends and family). But you should only of course discuss your case with people that you can trust not to discuss it with others. Being impersonal, social media doesn’t usually have that protection.

The moral of the story is very simple: the only safe course is not to mention or discuss your case on social media. Don’t be tempted to rush to your computer as soon as you get back from court: think about the implications of what you are about to do.

I realise that all of the above will have been said before, including by me. But it clearly needs to be repeated. Increasing numbers of parents are continuing to fall into the trap of taking their case to the court of social media, rather than concentrating on the only court that matters: the Family Court.

The post The sins of social media appeared first on Stowe Family Law.


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Author: John Bolch

Helping you understand the benefits of a prenuptial agreement

Every marriage is different. Some couples just dive into the process, believing that their love is strong enough to keep their marriage going. Others seek to talk things out before entering their union. And even some prefer to take the time to talk things out and plan for the future and if the marriage ends in divorce. Although it is not a romantic topic to discuss before marriage, deciding on a prenuptial agreement can help the couple address potential divorce issues if the marriage fails.

Although it is commonplace to have a prenuptial agreement to address a divorce if one were to occur in the future, this is not always the case. Some couples use a premarital agreement much like one does a financial plan. Today, more and more couples are worried about their finances and protecting them the moment he or she gets married.

At Katie L. Lewis, P.C., Family Law, our skilled legal team can help you better understand the role of a prenuptial agreement. They all do not look the same. However, these documents must follow certain laws when it comes to ensuring that it was executed properly and is valid.

Our law firm takes the time to explain the benefits a prenuptial or postnuptial agreement can have. We highlight the issues that are commonly overlooked, such as the value of property increasing over time. Finally, we help our clients navigate any obstacles or issues they may encounter when drafting or enforcing these marital documents.

To learn more, check out our law firm’s prenuptial agreement website. Whether you seek to include a prenuptial or postnuptial agreement in a marriage, it is important to understand what these documents look like and what they can do. Additionally, if a premarital document is challenged or you seek to invalidate it, it is vital to know what steps can be taken in these matters.


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Author: On behalf of Katie L. Lewis of Katie L. Lewis, P.C. Family Law

More marriages, more mediations, and more divorces

Last week was what I call ‘statistics week’, the week when we are treated to an avalanche of the most recent available statistics for all sorts of family law related things, including on this occasion marriages, legal aid and the Family Court. So, what did this latest instalment of facts and figures add to the sum of our knowledge?

I’ll begin with the statistics for marriages. Specifically, these are for marriages in England and Wales, for the year 2016. They come from the Office for National Statistics (‘ONS’). Amongst the headline points were the following:

  • There were 249,793 marriages in England and Wales, 1.7% more than in 2015, but 1.0% fewer than in 2014.
  • 97.2% of all marriages were between opposite-sex couples and 2.8% were between same-sex couples.
  • There were 7,019 marriages between same-sex couples, an increase of 8.1% from 2015; of these marriages, 55.7% were between female couples.
  • Marriage rates for opposite-sex couples were lower at all ages compared with 2006, except for men aged 60 years and over and women aged 50 years and over.

The main point to take from this, I think, is that, as the ONS statistician comments, despite the small increase, marriage rates remain at historical lows. This can perhaps be seen most dramatically by a graph included with the statistics showing the number of marriages of opposite-sex couples in England and Wales from 1935 to 2016. Until 1972 the graph generally remained around the 400,000 figure, but since then it has generally been on a downward spiral (of course the overall figures have been ‘buoyed’ over the last two of those years by same-sex marriages). Marriage, it is clear, will never again be the ‘expectation in life’ that it once was. Whether this is a good or bad thing will, of course, depend upon your point of view (it may also be the case that more couples will in future ‘tie the knot’, when civil partnerships become available to opposite-sex couples).

Next up, the legal aid statistics, which were from the Ministry of Justice, for the quarter October to December 2018. Sadly, these days legal aid is not particularly relevant to private family law matters, so there is not a lot to say about these statistics. Probably the most important thing relates to mediation. We are told that:

“In family mediation, Mediation Information and Assessment Meetings (MIAMs) increased by 4% in the last quarter compared to the previous year and currently stand at just over a third of pre-LASPO levels. Starts increased by 6% although outcomes increased by 5%, and are now sitting at around half of pre-LASPO levels.”

In plain English, the number of mediations is up a little bit, but is still at half what it was before legal aid was abolished. So I suppose a little bit of good news there, although clearly it is going to take a long time before mediation, which was supposed to ‘replace’ legal aid, will even return to what it was before the legal aid cuts. As I have said here before, hardly a ringing endorsement for the government’s ‘flagship’ policy.

And lastly I turn to the Family Court statistics, also from the Ministry of Justice, for the quarter October to December 2018. Amongst the main points here were the following:

  • 64,331 new cases started between October and December, up 6% on October to December 2017. For the year as a whole 262,399 new cases started during 2018, up 3% compared to 2017.
  • There was an increase in the number of private law children cases started (8%) and cases disposed (3%) to 12,986 and 10,478 respectively. For the year as a whole there were 51,658 Private law cases started in 2018, up 2% compared to 2017. The number of Private law cases disposed was 41,939 in 2018, similar to the number in 2017.
  • In 2018, it took on average 26 weeks for Private law cases to reach a final order, i.e. case closure, up three weeks compared to 2017.
  • There were 118,141 divorce petitions made during 2018, up 8% on 2017 – more in line with the number of petitions seen annually prior to the low number in 2017.

So in short, more cases, taking longer. Not very good news, either for the users of the Family Courts, or for those who work in them.

You can find the marriage statistics here, the legal aid statistics here, and the Family Court statistics here.

The post More marriages, more mediations, and more divorces appeared first on Stowe Family Law.


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Author: John Bolch

In re C.W.

(California Court of Appeal) – Reversed orders that terminated a dependency case and awarded sole legal and physical custody to the father in Louisiana.


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