Tulsa Family Lawyer and Mediator
Of all the
Go to Source
Author: Penniless Parenting
For the Valentine’s Day Stowe guests, we catch-up back again with a regular blogger for us, Claire Black from Claire Black Divorce Coaching.
Claire is one of the UK’s first accredited specialist Divorce Coaches, a former lawyer, and Advanced NLP Practitioner. Today, she shares her tips on how to handle Valentine’s Day when you are going through a divorce or separation.
When you’re in the middle of a separation, Valentine’s Day might seem like the last thing you need right now. All those reminders of romantic love, emotions and dinner dates. The commerciality of Valentine’s Day is almost impossible to ignore. Even Google will probably change its logo to surround it with floaty hearts.
For those of you who are going through a break up, Valentine’s Day can be sad and depressing. I know, I’ve been there. It is easy to feel low and lose yourself in thinking about the “what if’s and the regrets.
I am here to reassure you that you do have a choice. Like me, you can consciously decide to make things different. You have power over the remote control to your brain, and there are things you can do to dial down your feelings.
So, I’ve created a list of my top seven tips to handle Valentine’s Day this year.
Ask yourself empowering questions
Your brain will always try to answer the questions you ask it. Try asking yourself how you can make the day better for yourself. How could you show yourself a little love? Buy yourself flowers, go on a ‘date’ with your kids, watch a funny movie, or buy yourself those chocolates. Why rely on someone else to do it for you?
Flip your focus
Instead of thinking about what you might be missing, think about what you DON’T have to put up with any more. What always irritated you about your ex? What can you do now that you couldn’t do before?
Disconnect from social media. Don’t check up on your ex, to see what they are doing. That way madness lies. Instead, flip your focus back to yourself, and what you can do to make things that little bit easier.
Have some fun and do something different
Spend time with other people in a similar situation. Get together with your single friends, and have an anti-Valentine’s Day get together, or a games/movie night. Try out that new class you’ve been meaning to go to.
If you and your ex always went to the same place, or did the same thing on Valentine’s day, make a conscious effort to do something different – try something your ex would never have done but that you know you’re going to love. Create a new memory that, in time, will override the old ones.
Show your loved ones how much you appreciate them
Valentines doesn’t have to be about romantic love. So today, let your kids, your family, your friends know how much you love and appreciate them. Give your best friend a call and let them know how much you appreciate the support they have shown you over your break up.
Spread the love
Do something kind for someone else. When we do kind things for others, it boosts our serotonin levels, the neurotransmitters which help us to feel satisfied and content. Many anti-depressants work by increasing serotonin levels in our body – why not do the same thing simply by doing something nice for someone else?
Have an attitude of gratitude
Gratitude is a fantastic antidote to stress. Write a list of all the things in your life that you are grateful for and stick it to your fridge. Concentrate on it for 30 seconds and see how you feel. Do you notice your mood lifting? Consciously looking for the good things we have also helps to boost your feel-good hormones, and it will train your brain to start looking for the positives, even when things might seem really challenging.
Know that this too shall pass
Remind yourself that this too will pass. You will feel better, you will get through this. If this is your first Valentine’s Day on your own, know that you will never have to go through this “first” again. Next time will always be easier.
The post Stowe guests: Seven tips to survive Valentine’s Day from a divorce coach appeared first on Stowe Family Law.
Go to Source
Author: Stowe Family Law
In this instalment of Stowe guests, we are joined by Rebekka Mikkola, Lead Cuddle Therapist and Founder of Nordic Cuddle. London-based Nordic Cuddle are one of the fastest growing cuddle therapy companies in the country and provide sessions to clients dealing with stress, divorce, anxiety and loneliness.
Dealing with a separation
There can be few events in our lives as emotionally taxing as the breakdown of a relationship. The bonds that were formed and lives that became intertwined have to begin a process of separation, which can take a heavy toll on our wellbeing.
The feelings of loss are compounded by the fact that separation is about more than just losing a partner. A change of home may be in order, social circles may shrink and financial security may become more precarious. On top of that, families with children have the added pressure of arranging how and when parents will spend time with them.
In addition, many people often describe a feeling of failure which accompanies a relationship breakdown. As such, our self-esteem can take a big hit and this can also affect our whole persona, not to mention our outlook on life.
How cuddle therapy can help
At Nordic Cuddle, we provide cuddle therapy sessions, which involve platonic hugs, cuddling, hand-holding and gentle arm rubs, combined with talking therapy. We’ve found that cuddle therapy has been particularly helpful for people going through a divorce, because it provides a sense of comfort and connection at a time when both of these things have been torn from our lives.
Cuddle sessions with a trained and understanding practitioner can be nurturing and help heal negative perceptions of our self-worth. This is because human touch can flood our bodies with feel-good hormones, such as serotonin and oxytocin.
The release of these chemicals can also help tackle stress, another major impact of separation. During this difficult time, our body will release increased levels of the stress hormone cortisol by activating the sympathetic nervous system (also called the ‘fight or flight’ response). As such, oxytocin levels will drop and we’ll feel more stressed and have a low mood in general.
These effects can be reversed through hugs and cuddles, which trigger the release of feel-good hormones, which help mitigate stress. Affectionate touch activates our parasympathetic nervous system, which is the body’s natural relaxed mode. Keeping stress under control is vital, because it can lead to a range of mental health and physical wellbeing issues, if left unchecked over a prolonged period of time.
When London-based Balance Magazine tried one of our cuddle therapy sessions last year, they said, “If you’re feeling imbalanced, it’s a place to go to return to calm and serenity.” We think this is a great description and believe cuddle therapy provides a holistic approach towards re-building self-confidence and tackling issues like stress, which arise during a separation.
The combination of comforting touch coupled with the opportunity to speak about personal issues can be especially powerful and can create a connection very quickly. When you try a cuddle therapy session, you’ll be in the caring hands of a trained professional and will feel a sense of calm amid the chaos, during one of life’s greatest challenges.
Get in touch
To contact Nordic Cuddle and find out more about their services, you can visit their website here.
The post How cuddle therapy can help when going through a divorce appeared first on Stowe Family Law.
Go to Source
Author: Stowe Family Law
As any experienced family lawyer will be able to attest, it is a common occurrence that a parent involved in a dispute regarding arrangements for their child will, consciously or not, put what they consider to be their ‘rights’ ahead of the welfare of the child. However, whether they consider that their rights are more important, or whether they simply believe that their rights coincide with what is best for the child, this attitude can be both wrong and very unhelpful, possibly causing serious damage to their case.
An example of this phenomenon is the case C (A young person). The judgment in the case was handed down last July, but was only published (to my knowledge) last week.
The facts in the case were extremely sad, though thankfully unusual. The case concerned a 16 year old girl who had lived exclusively with her mother until her mother unexpectedly died from cancer in January 2016. She had not had any contact at all with her father until she was ten or eleven years of age. After her mother’s death she went to live with her maternal aunt and her family, and the aunt applied for a child arrangements order to be made in her favour. The father became involved in the proceedings and in October 2017 a shared care order was made in favour of the father and the aunt. Both the father and the aunt were given parental responsibility.
In March 2018 the father applied for a child arrangements order to be made in his favour on the basis that the child was by then living with him, his objective being that he would be the only person who had parental responsibility for the child. Both the child and the aunt opposed the application, which fell to be determined by Mr Justice Keehan in the High Court.
In the course of the evidence it became clear that the child was very attached to her aunt, and that she wanted to continue to have a close relationship with her. On the other hand, the child felt very insecure in her relationship with her father, and feared that he would not support her relationship with the aunt or her maternal family after the case was concluded. It was also clear that the father had much work to do to establish a close relationship with the child.
Mr Justice Keehan found that the aunt was “an emotional and psychological parent” to the child. The father, however, did not accept this. It was also found that the father was not meeting the child’s emotional and psychological needs, in particular he would not promote, or see in a positive light, the child’s need for a close relationship with the aunt and with her maternal family. In short, he found that:
“The father is, in my view, obsessed with his rights as a parent and does not focus on his duties and responsibilities to nurture or to be sensitive to the needs of his grieving daughter.”
The father claimed that the child had made it impossible for him to exercise his parental responsibility by her support of the aunt, and found it “perplexing and bizarre” that the child wanted the aunt to have parental responsibility. These things, said Mr Justice Keehan, graphically illustrated his “assessment of the father as a man obsessed with his rights as a parent and not with the extremely important emotional and psychological needs of his daughter.”
In the circumstances Mr Justice Keehan made a child arrangements order that the child live with her father, which reflected what was happening on the ground, and made a child arrangements order that she spend time with her aunt, on no less than three occasions a week. He also granted parental responsibility to the aunt (I’m not quite sure why he did this, as my understanding is that the aunt already had parental responsibility). He concluded:
“I am satisfied that these combinations of orders will meet the welfare best interests of [the child]. They will enable her to live with her father and, as she wants, to build her relationship with him, but it will provide her with the very important emotional and psychological comfort that she requires from her relationship with the aunt and, through her, with the wider maternal family who are all so very, very important to [the child] and to her future welfare.”
The case is another demonstration that the ‘rights’ (if we can use that word at all) of the parent are not what is important in a dispute over arrangements for a child. What is important, indeed paramount, is the welfare of the child. The court will therefore always be guided by what is best for the welfare of the child, not by the rights of the parent (or, indeed, of any other person). Any parent involved in such a dispute must therefore put aside any thoughts of their ‘rights’, and focus on the welfare of the child.
You can read the full judgment here.
The post Father obsessed with his rights fails to achieve sole parental responsibility appeared first on Stowe Family Law.
Go to Source
Author: John Bolch
I confess that I am something of a fan of the Swedish home furnishings store IKEA, having spent countless hours wandering its shiny showrooms in three different countries (Canada, the United States, and France). As evidence of this, you need only stand in the middle of my house and look around; you can’t help but see an IKEA product anywhere you look.
Although some may decry its mass marketing approach, I like that there is a consistency to the IKEA shopping experience. Whether I visit a store in central France or the suburbs of Vancouver, I know that I will see the same kinds of products, laid out in the same way, according to the same floor plan. This sameness might bother me in other settings, but there is a quirky charm to the world of IKEA that counterbalances the monotony. From its amusing product names to the ubiquity of kitschy Swedish foodstuffs, I always feel like I’ve found a tiny corner of Sweden wherever I happen to be in the world.
Whether this experience is authentically Swedish or not, Swedish design is everywhere to be seen, and in ways that are not always obvious. For years I had noticed that horses, and red horses in particular, were a common decorative motif in IKEA products, whether appearing two-dimensionally on pillows or rugs, or as carved decorative figures gracing elegant bookshelves. I later learned there was great significance to these tiny horses, and about the centuries of history they represent. I thought IKEA was a popular symbol of Sweden, but the Dalahäst (also known as a Dala horse or Dalecarlian horse) is a much more ancient and enduring one. Created in the Swedish province of Dalarna (Dalecarlia in English), the painted wooden horse has become a potent icon of Swedish culture.
Horses are an integral part of the history of Sweden, having deep cultural and religious significance. It is believed that horses were first introduced to Sweden around 2000 BCE, when Russian nomads invaded the area, overpowering the local inhabitants with their superior military capabilities—including their horsemanship. Horses soon became a valuable asset in farming and forestry for the region.
The religious symbolism of the horse is long-standing in Sweden; not only was the horse the sacred animal of the As religion of the Vikings, but it was celebrated in Norse mythology as well. Horses were associated with the gods, most notably with Odin, who was said to have an eight-legged horse named Sleipner, given to him by the trickster figure Loki.
When Christianity was introduced to Sweden in the 11th century, church leaders worked to discourage horse worship among the people, teaching that the horse was unclean, as were the practices associated with it: ritual slaughter and the eating of horsemeat. Although the church’s efforts were mostly successful, the people of northern Dalarna, particularly those living around Lake Siljan, retained their ancient connection to the horse, refusing to demonize an animal so essential to their daily lives.
The ongoing struggle between the church and local custom can be seen in two separate incidents from the 17th century. In 1624, Bishop Johannes Rudbeckius of Västerås, the diocese city of Dalarna, gave a sermon denouncing the selling of certain “articles of destruction” in the market, a list that included wooden horses. Forty years later, during a witchcraft trial in Dalarna, the parish priest accused those on trial of using a “baror,” a magic wooden object in the shape of an animal (possibly a horse), to advance the work of the devil. At the same trial, the county constable claimed that the devil himself gave wooden horses to the local children to lead them astray.
Despite these negative reactions to wooden horses, they seemed only to grow in popularity in the following years. In the 18th century, men working in the forests of Dalarna would carve wooden horses as a leisure activity and give them to children back in the village. By the 19th century, painted wooden horses were a common item of trade, often used by traveling salesmen as payment for room and board on their journeys. Created primarily in the villages around the town of Mora, these horses were painted with a floral design, reflecting the general decorative style of the time. This pattern of decoration eventually developed into the kurbits (or ripple) style of painting, which continues to this day.
In 1939, a large Dala horse was displayed outside the Swedish pavilion at the World Exposition in New York, sparking international awareness and interest in this traditional Swedish craft. Demand for Dala horses has continued, and it has become a popular souvenir for tourists coming to Sweden, and an enduring cultural icon. Much of the demand for Dala horses is fulfilled by two companies in the town of Nusnäs: Nils Olsson and Grannas A. Olsson. Crafted from premium pine timber found in the forests surrounding Lake Siljan, the horses undergo a multi-step process, from felling the tree through hand carving, various stages of hand-painting, sanding, and varnishing. The finished product is stunning, a beautiful tribute to the long and intimate relationship between horses and humans in Sweden.
Note: This is an updated version of an article that originally appeared on Interesting Thing of the Day on September 25, 2006.
Image credit: Creative Tools from Halmstad, Sweden [CC BY 2.0], via Wikimedia Commons
Go to Source
Author: Morgen Jahnke
I’ve eaten tortellini countless times. It’s certainly among my top two or three favorite filled Italian pastas. Until today, however, I was unaware that the ringlike shape was intended to represent the navel of the goddess Venus. Or so legend has it, anyway. I’m not sure whether that knowledge will enhance or diminish my future enjoyment of tortellini, but I am certain that I’ll never be able to get that image out of my head. Anyway! If you were undecided about which filled Italian pasta to eat today, contemplate your belly button and see what answer…pops out?
Image credit: Algont at Dutch Wikipedia [CC BY-SA 3.0]
Go to Source
Author: Joe Kissell
Go to Source
Author:
Go to Source
Author:
Go to Source
Author:
It’s really been a huge upheaval in my life for more reasons than one, to put it lightly.
Mike moved out a few months ago, but didn’t take more than the bare minimum with him, since his living conditions were still temporary.
While my current home is nearly twice the size of my last one, it is still quite
Go to Source
Author: Penniless Parenting
